Ten Months on Thanksgiving

Ten months have passed since our son Finn was born silently into this world. Today would have been his first Thanksgiving outside the womb. I have to admit it’s hard not to focus on what I have lost and continue to lose as each milestone and holiday passes. My arms are still empty and longing, but I also think about what we have gained by having our son the short time we did, because to have had him for that short time is better than never at all. Today I opened the refrigerator to find the chocolate cashew milk has Finn’s birth date on it. I smiled at that, because judging by the way I craved chocolate when I carried Finn, I’m sure he would love chocolate milk as much as his brother (who requested the purchase of said milk). I’m thankful for those memories I do have, and I’m thankful that because of the loving sacrifice of Jesus, the excruciating goodbye we said to our baby was really a “see you later”. I’m thankful that death couldn’t tear him away permanently, and that I will be with him again in heaven. I’m thankful for a loving husband who has stuck with me and loved me through circumstances that would have torn some relationships apart. I’m thankful Jaxton is healthy and that I am able to watch him grow and develop. I cherish the ability to physically hug him and hear his voice every single day. I know all too well that’s not an opportunity every person gets. I’m thankful for family and friends who have surrounded us with love, prayer, and support during a time when some people would be tempted to distance themselves from our grief or pretend nothing happened. Finally, I’m thankful for all the comforts we enjoy. Many are not as fortunate. We were able to enjoy a relaxing day at home with a delicious Thanksgiving meal and decorating for Christmas. I wish you all a blessed Thanksgiving as well!

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