Wow baby boy, has it really been two months already? Two months since your heart’s last beat, two months since your movements ceased? Two months since I said hello and goodbye, and held you for the last time?  I spent seven months waiting to meet you, from that triple-inversion roller coaster ride that made me first suspect you were in there, to that shocking night I found out you were no more. You were always living it up in there and danced around during the ultrasounds; you had us all fooled.

You made me crave chocolate that I tried to avoid due to awful acid re-flux, which was certainly a testament to the head full of hair you were sporting at birth. You played this game where you would poke out your little feet through my belly and I would poke you back. Your big brother liked to use you as pillow (sorry about that) and listen to your “helicopter” heart beat. I’m sure you had no trouble hearing him, even over all of the womb noise. You could probably hear your daddy talking to you through my belly too.

I thought I would be bringing you home this month, but instead I’ve been back at work three weeks already. Sometimes it’s easy to forget I gave birth to you only two months ago when my reality is so different, not having you here to remind me. Even though I am two months away from when I last saw you,  I’m also two months closer to when we’ll meet again. For now, enjoy the beautiful view and know I am thinking of you and loving you always. – Mommy

A Letter to My Stillborn Son: Two Months Today, Two Months Away - In Memory of Finn Liam Ponzer
In Memory of Finn Liam Ponzer – January 24th, 2016