Finn, Grief, Us

Part of losing a baby is grieving the loss of the experiences you thought you would have with them. In general, baby clothes usually don’t remind me of Finn. Most of the clothes I had for Finn were Jaxton’s hand-me-downs, and he never actually wore clothes after he was born since the clothing we had to choose from was way too large for him. I did buy a few outfits especially for Finn while I was pregnant, and while shopping today, I saw a “Little Brother” sleeper almost exactly like the one I had gotten for him. Not only do I grieve the things I will never experience with Finn, like dressing him that sleeper, I grieve the experiences Jaxton will never have with his little brother. I know Jaxton would have showered him with plenty of hugs and kisses and helped take care of him. He isn’t old enough to fully understand what happened to his baby brother, but we still remind him that he is a big brother and that his little brother is an angel in heaven (and can fly, that’s important).

The Little Brother sleeper Finn never got to wear